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No, I didn't become an atheist who denies everything supernatural. I just think that I started to see things more clearly. Some of the things that I started to see are described in "disassembling Christianity". I realized that the truth is something that we won't be able to understand from here. We would have to learn and evolve much more in order to begin to understand it. So what are we doing here, without truth? Here, we are beginning our journey. It is quite possible that I did not understand some things told me correctly, so don't take this as gospel. But from what I understand, here, is where we start the journey. And the rest of the time (after death) is where we evolve and learn more and more and where our journey continues. So we have plenty of time to learn the truth. Right now, we should just focus on living as best as we can.
And pain that I've come across is simply a pain of being put outside of your comfortable zone. It's the pain of sometimes having to do things that seem too hard. It's the pain of having to set aside your old self and try to become a new one. Sometimes it's about embracing new ideas that seem to pull the ground from under your feet and wobbling helplessly until you start to feel the solid ground. So in my life, I would learn new ideas, then I would cry and not understand and fall apart... and then I would get up and walk again. Usually, I would get up wiser and with more understanding and knowledge. I guess mountain climbing is not that easy.
In my own life, I have to battle sadness/emptiness/depression and the inability to believe in love. Even when I was a Christian, I had doubts about God's love. I never ever doubted his existence. I guess I find it pretty easy to believe in supernatural. But to believe in love, now that's a whole other story. It is very difficult to build your faith or your belief on this great love and then not being able to feel any of it. Basically, I said that the greatest thing anyone could ever have is love. And without it, there is no meaning and everything else pales in comparison. And I believed that we have a bright future ahead of us full of love and also we have love surrounding us, if we pay attention. And then I would cry because I couldn't really feel any of it.
It's like I was starving right in the midst of all the food. It's not an easy path to travel for me. The ones I talk about, the ones who surround us, the one who love us, have sent this song my way to encourage me. And it's a great song. But sometimes the unbelief and lack of self worth overcome and make it too hard to believe. But anyways, here is a song: "Someone's waiting for you"
Be brave little one
Make a wish for each sad little tear
Hold your head up
Though no one is near
Someone’s waiting for you
Don’t cry little one
There’ll be a smile where a frown used to be
You’ll be part of the love that you see
Someone’s waiting for you
Always keep a little prayer in your pocket
And you’re sure to see the light
Soon there’ll be joy and happiness
And your little world will be bright
Have faith little one
Till your hopes and your wishes come true
You must try to be brave little one
Someone’s waiting to love you
I wish it was true! And I know that it's true! But sometimes, in feelings, it's so hard to believe and feel it. And another song was "Don't give up, you are loved" (Josh Groban)
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you
I hear of this great and deep love, something so big that it's almost hard to fathom, and I think: why is it so huge on "the other side" and why not here? But then I realize that here we are still evolving and there is too much "growing pains" associated with evolution. And the love, it just gets drowned in all the hardship I guess. And I know that many people have experienced and have felt this amazing deep love from the "other side", but I never did. So I just believe in it, I heard of it. And I am so happy that it is there, that it exists. But I guess I'll just have to wait for it. And believing will be the hardest part.
People are depressed, I talked to a few around me who are like that and I am sure that there are many more in the world. And I personally believe that people are depressed because they are spiritually evolving and realizing that something very great is missing, the love. And so they feel this emptiness and it just kills you. People need love. I believe that eventually love will increase, but who knows how many years it will take. And so for now, we have to play the waiting game.
I am very excited to know about those loved ones who surround us and communicate with us and love us and try to help us. But sometimes it takes faith to believe and sometimes that faith is missing and that's when unhappiness sets in. So I believe that it's in people's best interests to stick to a very nice belief, which can make them feel fulfilled and happy. It's really much better than the truth. However, I think that the truth itself is good, but I just don't see how anyone of us will find it any time soon. So what we have is either being happy inside of a belief, or being unhappy inside of something we call "truth", something that we made up because we really DON'T know the real truth. So, a nice sweet belief versus a made up bitter truth? It's your choice. Well, not really. You can't really choose to believe or not believe. You just do what naturally comes to you.
But, what you CAN do, is enjoy the belief even if you are having little doubts about its validity. Don't hurry to step into the made up truth, it really is not better. But if your belief stinks, then by all means, the made up truth can't be any worse. Or I guess that also depends on people. I am getting philosophical. But the understanding of life is philosophical. It's amazing to what degree everything is relative. Are you beautiful or not? It's relative to who is standing next to you. In comparison to THAT girl, you may very well be considered beautiful. Are you happy or not? Well, in comparison to this happy person, you may be considered SO unhappy. Are you free, are you sick? Well, it just depends on who you are comparing yourself to. And even the grades that they give you in school are relative and based how other people around you are doing. Is this a tasty food or not? It depends on who you're asking... Is this art great or not? Again, it depends on who you're asking. Is this piece of jewelry valuable or not? It depends on how many people care to have it... Is gold valuable? Well, it depends if it's rare or not... what if there was so much of it and anyone could have some?
Anyways, I was sad and just thought I would write something. I was wanting to be a psychic, and I heard that you can learn it sometimes. But it seems like such an extraordinary amount of persistence that would be required on my part that I don't have a prayer. I am a quitter by nature. So the two don't mash. So I guess I will be just like I am...regular me.